time to focus journal 2...

Greetings & Salutations ! How are all of you ? Yesterday was a good day , I have my grandbaby Zan over for the memorial day weekend so I have been having lots of fun catching up as grandma , I rarely see my sweet stuff , well I see her with her mom & dad most the time , this is the first time in a while that I have had one on one time with the little one , & its been really nice . I did some work in the art studio first thing in the morning , then went to lunch with Dave & Zan at one of our favorite thai joints out here in Canyon country called Siam Rice.

We had our lunch which was , as always! very yummy afterwards we always get our fortune cookies which at this resturant for some reason always seem kind of real , strange I know , I guess because we want to believe that it comes close to the truth . So Zan is a pro already opening up her fortune cookie , but her favorite part is eating the cookie LOL!

So then after , we head over to the market & what do we always do when Zan sees one of those put your quarters in for a ride thingies ? So we tell her you can go on that if you are a good girl in the market k ? and she says, " O.K." and she was so guess who got to go on the merry-go-round ? Yes you got it! The Zan !

What Im starting to do more often than what I did before is , to start reminding myself what means alot to me , what I have to always cherish , what I should be thankful for in my life .My little precious family I truly am thankful for . I only had one child in my life that I bore , my daughter Krystal Rose. She gave me a beautiful grandbaby Zan aka Athena Rose and Dave gave me both of them . I never thought I would be a mom let alone a good one LOL! But I can say I turned out alright , I did and my daughter is a pretty awesome girl that Im so glad I had her . She taught me alot about who I was . I know that I didn't know who I was before her . I was trying to figure it out before I had her but , I just wasn't figuring it out quite right. Now I see my daughter with her daughter and I know why Im on planet earth now, for my beautiful girls and my soulmate Dave.

These are the reasons for me to be thankful , and to remember what I do have , the love for my little family & how much they really need me , and how I need them too ! Thanks for listening and stoppin' by as always I love ya!

Muah! XOXO

Luv,

Maryannk

Time to focus ....

Greetings & Salutations ! How are all of you ? Well... I have been doing alot of thinking besides my working hard on my crafty bag line that seems so far away to get to , everytime I set a goal for myself to put it out there on my etsy , I swear! life gets in the way . I really believe that I have to get into my art studio when everyones sleeping because then I know that no one will bother me because their all sleeping LOL! I kid you not! I woke up today and its 7:30am & the minute the hubby knows Im up, its " We need to do..." I just loose it! I go, " you know what I have stuff to do". Its been really difficult to get into my art , because to him its having fun, not working. I have decided to just step back & find myself, so I will probably not be doing as many videos anymore until I get my stuff up & running . I hate this feeling of not succeeding in just " DOING IT" , I don't feel like Im being taken seriously by anyone ,most of all am I even taking myself seriously? Im tired of talkin' and not doin' the walkin' into my dreams & my art. I believe my talent is real , I think all artists should believe their talent is real to them and go for it, but for me , I can't seem to get through my personal life, push through it and do it! I have decided that Im not gonna post anything on facebook except a journal here on my blog telling you how Im getting through it and hopefully be able to show you how Im getting my art out there and helping others like the runaway girls that I am suppose to be starting an art journal club with them this summer. I love knowing you all and I thank you as always for stopping by and hearing my thoughts . I know that alot of us are very much alike and we just want to know that we're not the only ones going threw similar obstacles. If I could take an ecourse on getting it going like Jamie Ridlers sparkle course , I would but , I don't have that kind of money to afford to pay for the course , so that is a distant thought to do . I have great ideas , I see that they are sellable , but when will I finish something and be able to put it up and sell them ? These are all the things I need to figure out. Stepping away should be a good thing , and journaling it here , I think will be healthy for me and let you see how I get out of my rut . I will be on Twitter so you will hear from me there but the only thing is not on facebook, I will just post a blog to let ya know whats been going on . I hope that I will help you all in your rut , & some of you have helped me in my rut , with recommending books and thank you so much for that , again it means alot , when you all speak to me and give me advice , thanks for caring : )

So inconclusion to this revelation, I know in my heart that I have talent . Im not afraid to say anymore that I am an artist , because I believe so , I have always been!

Its realizing that belief and thats a big battle that I hope to break very soon. So here is the beginning of my Time to focus journals !

Thanks for listening I love ya ! : )

Muah! XOXO

luv,

MaryannK

Long time since I have blogged my thoughts....

Hello everyone ! Sorry I haven't been here in a while . I just feel like my life is so slow in coming out roses . LOL! You know how sometimes you just wake up one day and coincidentally it just happens to be the day of , " The End Of The World " , and I just realize what I've been doing in the last month when my Etsy shop should have been up , I can't even finish stuff because last minute its , " we gotta do this!" "we gotta do that", my life has been JUMP!JUMP! and I just don't question any of it and just GO!GO! without question all for people who don't know how to take charge and think straight and that includes me . I don't know how many of you read my blogs , I thank you for those who do ; those who can relate , it truly means alot . Honestly I have been trying so hard to get things going in my life , but I feel like everything around me is always in my way . Sometimes people in your life don't get it . They think that because they give you everything that you owe them a favor.When sometimes giving people everything isn't enough , its actually a control mechanism , to keep you where they want you to be . Its very minipulating , because they only give you just enough to survive,but you never get past that point. You just find yourself working all the time and never getting anymore ,so dreams go out the door.

My life has been so crazy , when I thought I found balance , the balance wasn't their, it was an illusion of balance . I find myself from one place to the next and at one point you just have to say I need to be home to get MY STUFF DONE!! nothing else matters . Today I had to say STOP! TAKE CHARGE! No one puts their lives in check. I go into these anxiety attacks more often than the norm because I just don't see our dreams getting done . We really have no excuses . I find all I ever do is clean this place or that place and then do more at my living place and it sucks!

I hope today I will accomplish something in its complete format today LOL! I feel like all I ever do is clean , and I never see the payback . Yes I have alot , I do see that as well , what I don't see is my house improving , what good are things if you can't do your music or your art , because your house is all packed in boxes waiting to be finished so you can put the stuff back up . What good is having another house on your property to fix as an art retreat , when you don't have the money to fix it up in the first place . These are the tests the Universe has put upon me to pass , and I feel like its the hardest test to pass without the cash. So I guess my question is , " What do I do to make the cash come in ? "

Thanks to those of you who stop by a listen it means alot...

Love,

Maryannk : )

Art journaling with a touch of scrapbooking By Maryann 4rm Zero !