Long time since I have blogged my thoughts....

Hello everyone ! Sorry I haven't been here in a while . I just feel like my life is so slow in coming out roses . LOL! You know how sometimes you just wake up one day and coincidentally it just happens to be the day of , " The End Of The World " , and I just realize what I've been doing in the last month when my Etsy shop should have been up , I can't even finish stuff because last minute its , " we gotta do this!" "we gotta do that", my life has been JUMP!JUMP! and I just don't question any of it and just GO!GO! without question all for people who don't know how to take charge and think straight and that includes me . I don't know how many of you read my blogs , I thank you for those who do ; those who can relate , it truly means alot . Honestly I have been trying so hard to get things going in my life , but I feel like everything around me is always in my way . Sometimes people in your life don't get it . They think that because they give you everything that you owe them a favor.When sometimes giving people everything isn't enough , its actually a control mechanism , to keep you where they want you to be . Its very minipulating , because they only give you just enough to survive,but you never get past that point. You just find yourself working all the time and never getting anymore ,so dreams go out the door.

My life has been so crazy , when I thought I found balance , the balance wasn't their, it was an illusion of balance . I find myself from one place to the next and at one point you just have to say I need to be home to get MY STUFF DONE!! nothing else matters . Today I had to say STOP! TAKE CHARGE! No one puts their lives in check. I go into these anxiety attacks more often than the norm because I just don't see our dreams getting done . We really have no excuses . I find all I ever do is clean this place or that place and then do more at my living place and it sucks!

I hope today I will accomplish something in its complete format today LOL! I feel like all I ever do is clean , and I never see the payback . Yes I have alot , I do see that as well , what I don't see is my house improving , what good are things if you can't do your music or your art , because your house is all packed in boxes waiting to be finished so you can put the stuff back up . What good is having another house on your property to fix as an art retreat , when you don't have the money to fix it up in the first place . These are the tests the Universe has put upon me to pass , and I feel like its the hardest test to pass without the cash. So I guess my question is , " What do I do to make the cash come in ? "

Thanks to those of you who stop by a listen it means alot...

Love,

Maryannk : )