My husband and I have really sacraficed many years tryin' to help our family . My mother n law , who couldn't stop giving to her son even when he would lie to her about what he needed the money for and she would give it to him and he would go and buy heroin with it and then she would call us to go and help him , or should I say to save him . We would always get some sort of phone call to save one of them weather it be helping my brother n law or his wife who was also an addict or their son , and we did , we sacraficed our own family to make sure they were ok . We ended up putting both my brother n law and his wife in rehab and took guardianship of their son for 4 yrs , and it was not the easiest thing we had done . In the end we had to send my sister n law to her mother in Nevada because my brother n law couldn't stop looking for her , and when he found her, he would focus on her and not on staying clean . Now this all affected my daughter and our nephew . My daughter ended up falling in love with a boy in high school and ended up pregnant at 16 , which was really hard for us as parents , and all my hubby and I could do was blame ourselves that it was our fault that this happened because we were too busy trying to take care of others , but we had been very close and we always had a family meetings and always asked eachother if we were ok with the decisions we were about to make , and she always said we needed to help them especially her cousin who she saw as a brother more than a cousin , but when she got this boyfriend she felt we weren't right for her , she started to compare her life to others at her school and felt that we were horrible parents because we were always taking care of others in the family but Dave and I were always their for the kids , we made sure they had dinner on the table , we made sure they had done all their homework and when something or someone was bothering them at school , we would talk to them about it so they would feel better about it .
After the kids graduated from high school the whole family fell apart . My nephew Mike , went up north to college and we don't talk to him much . My daughter had her baby who is now a year old and they both live with my daughters boyfriends family and I rarely see her as well . So... I take all this and realize , that I wish for Calm , in my heart to let them all go , not to feel sad , and I know that I will always care for them ,but at the same time I have to let it go, all the pain and they have to figure out life for themselves , but most of all , old patterns must die . In other words my mother n law has to stop bugging us to continue to take care of her recovering addict son , he's 44 yrs old and he's got to learn that he's got to do it for himself now , he's got to work things out with his son , not go through us to do it . I just need and wish for CALM is all .
Thanks for listening everyone , this blog post was pretty heavy for me , but it is what has been on my mind lately because my brother n law has been a problem AGAIN for the last 2 days .