Greetings & Salutations ! I can't believe Im back , looking back to who I was , where I was in my life when I started this
it can get a lil' funny actually , I meet people who have a knack for journaling and try to swing them into doin a blog or art journaling and they think Im weird . I say , " Really Im doin it? Im blogging? Im art journaling? they look at me like Im the biggest weirdo . I had stepped away from this amazing practice ; well I didn't step away , I guess I stepped away from you fine people , I found myself lost without realizing I was lost. Since I left you last , which I was surprised to see I've been gone from this blog since 2012! my gosh! how crazy is that? Living in a world , where artists aren't always taken seriously , can be one big head trip I kid you not! Im sure some of you get what Im talkin' about.
So Im getting back to the swing of things finally! In a nutshell , when I left ya last , I was going threw my daughter being a teen pregnancy , dealing with the struggles of that its more complicated so I will tell you that story some other time , then I dealt with the death of my father n law , then after finally getting back into the swing of things , my brother n law dies a tragic death . All I've been understanding is pain . My brother n law passed in March , right before my birthday . Since my family is probably more apart than ever . My husband and I are now judged more often than ever and certain family members want to claim we are unstable .Why you ask? because WE ARE ARTIST! Yep! Because I don't make any money at this , trust me I try , jus not good at it.Bottom line,being honest , my husband and I are always there for this family ,especially threw the bad times .They seem to never remember those times of course, its always after a tragedy , it becomes ," Oh! Look at you? What are you doin with your life?" Its literally like a bad dream . So I don't interact anymore with them,closing myself in yet again.
What am I doing since all the loss ...
Well I got back on my wagon of faith,love,hope for no one else but myself.
I started to do yoga practice again . I had done it since I was young , but not in the way Im doing it now . I feel alive again , understanding that I have to love the Me,the I , the Am . I had to learn to put all the people I love and care about aside and focus on me because no one else is gonna do it ! What I realized about who I was then ( the person who left ya last ) and who I am this very moment is Im not selfish , I love hard , I love my family very much and take care of them regardless of how they see and treat my husband and I. But! One word sticks with me threw this last sentence and that is SELFISH . This word I realized I have never been? Through doing my yoga practice I realized that I have started to be selfish , thinking more for ME now ! Now at first I will be honest , I always want to be here with ya all , is I felt guilty at first . " Who me? think of the Me , the I , the Am? Why that makes me the biggest sinner of all !" Wrong! The only way you are going to keep the ship sailing is to remember to be selfish for yourself .No one else is gonna love you like your higher self does . No One!!!
I get back to who I truly am and stand tall and proud!
Now I have stepped away to let my family figure themselves out . I know when Im needed and the last thing I want to be is a mother bird in waiting . It sucks when your a mom who is sitting around waiting to serve her family , only to have them talk behind your back of how much of a loser you are ,especially the girlfriends and boyfriends of my kids , oh my gosh! I can tell ya those stories some other time , anyways! hahaha! find myself getting sidetracked, I want to be very real as possible so that you all know your not the only ones who go threw the crappy obstacles of life . I realize that threw my Buddha side of myself , I begin to really understand my religion . I think its life experience that makes you evolve into the whole " I GOT IT !" program. Bottom line , you can't change anyone elses life , whatever your kids or other family members are doing that is they're life to lead as they see fit , we can only be there when they say they need us. So I learned that I've got that one down , and why not? To not have to jump and go out of my way for them is amazing! Hhahah! seriously! I dont mean that in a cruel way , I mean that in a accepting way. I wake up every morning , and tell myself how thankful and blessed I am that my family is healthy alive! then I go do my morning yoga sun salutations , then I meditate my intention for the day , then I art journal it and set it free and begin my day being happy. I do mantras that really help and I have my nifty mala beads to remind me of my fullfilling happiness inside .
So whats happening now?
Well I got back on that horse . Im not one to give up , I may procrastinate , Im only human . I find that in order to get back on that train of inspiration is to stay focused make a list of goals and see what happens. I can say no one is needing me for the first time in a long time . So Im in a hurry to get stuff done before I get interupted . I now make time for the stuff Im doing . My life is crazy , between music , editting projects Im working on & loving me it gets busy everyday .Right now Im working on my bags I've been doing , then my music project with the hubby , my art journaling , and my yoga practice Oh! and loving my kitty :)
Don't stop loving what you love to do . Life will throw ya curve balls but jus dodge those balls and keep going . You live this life , live in it , the best way to set yourself free!
I will be remodeling this blog so when you come around to visit you may notice its changing , so don't be alarmed . If you have any questions for me please leave a message on the comments and I will get back to ya or talk about it in the next blog post k ?
Thank you as always for listening and namaste! :)
MaryAnn 4rm Zero...
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