It's Thursday....

So its thursday... it was hard for me to get up today . I got to see my grandbaby yesterday , I was so excited to see her that i spaced on taking any photos of her . Its strange how , the other family doesn't feel we're good enough for her but, when they don't have anyone to take care of her , all of a sudden.... we are good enough LOL! Its rather funny really. I know i may sound jaded,crazy, and a bit unusual , because .... well... I am! I don't hold anything back and I do speak the truth about myself , I mean honestly ... why should I lie to myself or to you ?

Anyways I have been through alot in the last 2yrs and I won't denye that I should be goin' to therapy , but I have been their done that many years ago and it just doesn't do anything for me . Art on the other hand does , it brings me to understand to let it go on paper , in my hubbys music , we sing it , I should probably put it on here so you could hear it , its pretty music , we have been practicing alot lately and we're gonna be playin' out soon , so its been good , when we go to gatherings we sing them and people geniunly like them . I always remind myself that I can't look back to the past , that I have to move forward , I start to feel that way , and then I see my daughter one day , and then it all floods back . It doesn't flood back when I see her alone , but when her boyfriend comes around with her , it floods back hard . She's not her self when she's with him , I see a person trying to please him , but when she is visiting alone , just her and my grandbaby , I see my real daughter ,the earthy gal that I use to know , and thats who I like to hang out with.

As for my nephew , well he's become a real drama king . He thinks that everyone in the family is mean and cruel and now all he has is his mommy and whats funny when its time to rat her out , he will , he has , yet she's his favorite only because she's giving him money in some way . I love the kid , but if your not gonna learn how to be a good human being , and its best not to know us who took you from a heroin addicted situation and gave him everything and try to protect him from his parents . He has a girlfriend who is very pretentious and reminds him to stay away from us , so he does . He decided to go to a school in east bay , which is up north cali , just so he could be close to her , the girlfriend is goin' to Davis ,which is 2hours away , but this relationship , probably won't last , cuz I don't know how he's gonna be able to robot it for too long , and I know my nephew , even though he wouldn't admit it , I know he will get bored of being told what to do , I mean he's gonna meet new people and girlfriend isn't gonna like them cuz she had sifted through all his friends and by the time high school graduation came around , he only had 3 friends she allowed him to have and she went to the other friends and told them to stay away from him and basically told him he needed to stay away and he did it . He's also not allowed to be close to his cousin , my daughter anymore either . Thats how weird its gotten with my nephew. Thats why I know it won't last. A girl who claims to love someone is gonna say , hey , you need to make things work with your family no matter what . He's forgiven his mom ,and he should have , but he thinks the people who saved him from the addicted situation are now not worthy of his presence , is rather bizarre . Dont get me wrong , I don't mind not being bothered by him , he was hard to deal with , but we had good times and to not remember that is crazy , I guess people can block out the good times .

What I have learned though is that other families like the one that came from england , they gave me hope . That they were this sweet family , and they reminded me that to enjoy your kids while their around . I can tell they were , and I always reminded them of that , their only 14 once their only 16 once , and these kids loved their parents and I can tell their not gonna give their parents problems like mine did . Those kids they listen , they don't want to learn the hard way . I hope , for Andy and Annette that it stays that way for them , I can only imagine what it must feel like to wake up every morning knowing your kids are their and love you so much and respect you more than anything. They made me realize theirs hope for families out their all around the world , that not every kid on this planet is gonna dislike their families who loved them and wanted them to learn to be humble not think money is the way and only way to happiness.

There is hope for the children of this world . I hope theirs hope for mine....